阿妮塔的故事：《像太阳一样升起》的读后感
去年11月26日清晨主日崇拜时，一位美国非裔姐妹很早走进我们教会。我主动走到她面前和她打招呼，并自我介绍。她也向我介绍说，她叫阿妮塔·周(Anita Joe)。她在一次为中国那么多失丧的灵魂祷告时，上帝呼召和感动她要去作华人福音事工。
我问她： “您是怎么找到我们教会的？”
她回答说：”我从网上找到你们教会，看到你们网站上关于牧师教导”圣洁”方面的真理，我就来了。”
对阿妮塔的到来我们既满心感恩又充满好奇。感恩的是，上帝居然感动这位美国姐妹愿意去作华人福音事工；好奇的是，她到底是谁？她怎样经历耶稣？她的人生目标是什么？三周前阿妮塔送给我她写的书《像太阳一样升起：帮助你从破碎走向完整的自助指南》（Rising like the Sun: A Self-help Guide Taking You From Brokenness to Wholeness）。这本书为我揭开了她的许多秘密。本书至少强调了几个重点：
- 它讲述了深层的破碎及完整的医治
《像太阳一样升起》对我产生了很大的震撼。阿妮塔的故事可谓跌宕起伏，充满戏剧性，她经历过人生撕心裂肺之痛、又体会到十架之愛的甘甜。她出生在阿肯色州小石城、在亚利桑那州图桑(Tucson, Arizona)长大。她的童年是一场噩梦，她说她在暗无天日——既黑暗又可怕的情形中诞生（第58页）。她父亲是一个鳏夫，带着两个孩子，一个女孩一个男孩。她是六个孩子中的一个，排在八个孩子的中间。她父亲是一名恋童癖者，也是一名恶霸；母亲则经常骂人。他们对儿女极度偏心造成恶果。她后来接受耶稣基督为救主而得到重生得救；在19岁时经历圣灵特别的浇灌；在30岁在参加特别聚会时从被拒绝中释放出来。
对于受儒家思想影响强调内敛、含蓄和面子的文化环境下长大的华人来说，我们不太容易将自己过去的遭遇以及内心深处的伤疤讲述出来。然而，将自己的故事讲述出来是一种真正的释放。在阿妮塔的书中我看到她坦诚地讲述了她所遭遇的一切，包括父亲对她的性侵，母亲对她的冷漠残酷、对父亲恶行的置若罔闻、甚至将她当成第三者嫉妒她，她的抑郁症，她丈夫的冷暴力和不忠，以及她一段无家可归住在救济站的经历。
从某种程度上说，阿妮塔的人生可谓千疮百孔。然而她脸上流露出的并不是尚在流血的伤疤，而是绽放出阳光般的喜乐。正如她自己所言：最难战胜的是破碎的痛苦（the pain of brokenness），这痛苦在内心深处留下深深的疤痕。”这种情感伤害的治愈必须是渐进的”(Healing for this kind of emotional damage must be progressive)。她重生得救之后，在主里逐渐学习饶恕的功课。有一天她向主承认不饶恕人的罪，并弃绝心里所有的苦毒。这是她通向自由的第一步。接着，她曾经历到圣灵所赐予的愛，感受到她是被愛的。这医治了她从前被父母拒绝的痛苦。重要的一件事是，她在阿特兰大服侍一间小教会时，在一次姐妹聚会中，圣灵感动她分享自己的故事。她开始很抗拒，但后来顺服了。当她走上讲台时，泪水夺眶而出，她几乎无法唱完开头的歌曲。当她开始讲述自己的故事时，所有人的目光都集中在她身上。当她讲完后，束缚的枷锁被打破，从她开始，许多姐妹获得了自由（第175页）。
- 它体现了阿妮塔对圣经独特的理解
像阿妮塔所说的，她没有受过正式神学培训，她对圣经的理解不一定是按着正统学院派的模式。然而，她对圣经经文非常熟悉，她对经文的理解有独到的见解、并且与她个人坎坷的经历连在一起。她从诗篇69：8”我的弟兄看我为外路人，我的同胞看我为外邦人”看到大卫曾经是一个被家人轻视、被父亲打发去放羊，甚至被排除在宴席之外（撒上16：11）的孩子。于此类比，阿妮塔的母亲对她很冷漠残酷，不给她圣诞礼物，对她遭受父亲性侵不管不问，甚至在她想去考美容执照时都不肯开车送她去考场。她从诗篇40: 2 “他从祸坑里，从淤泥中，把我拉上来，使我的脚立在磐石上，使我脚步稳当”体会到上帝如何将她从深淤泥里拉上来，使她不再不饶恕她的父母，甚至带着感恩的心面对他们。她从摩西的母亲约基别（出2：2；6：20）身上看到伟大母亲的信心榜样，她不惜冒着生命危险而保全了摩西的生命，从而成就了上帝在摩西身上伟大的计划。
- 它揭示灵界的真实存在
阿妮塔深刻地认识到灵界魔鬼的真实存在。她从圣经中看到魔鬼是撒谎之人的父。在所经历的乱伦、家庭混乱，被拒绝、和仇恨的背后有一股邪恶势力的存在。她曾有几次在梦中经历污秽的邪恶以不同形式展现出来。她认识到性取向混乱是一种邪恶的攻击，她曾受到性取向混乱的迷惑，但上帝的灵带领她战胜这一切（148）。然而她的弟弟格雷格(Craig)却没有那么幸运了。他像阿妮塔一样小时候缺乏父愛。但他却走上了与阿妮塔不同的一条吸毒、同性恋、监狱、艾滋病的不归之路。格雷格后悔说：”我希望我能像你一样。但是我做了太多错误的选择，以至于走到今天这个地步”。不过，感谢主的是在他得了艾滋病后临死前接受了耶稣，后来他安然睡在主的怀中。主耶稣终将医治他，因为”人间没有天上无法医治的悲伤”(Thomas Moore, 1779-1852, 第206页)。
- 它展现了失败后的勇气
由于缺乏审慎祈祷的选择，阿妮塔经历了一段失败的婚姻。离婚后，她并没有为了分家产与前夫撕破脸皮告到法庭。相反，她顺服圣灵的感动，选择谦卑地净身出户。不幸的是，离婚六个月后她前夫就惨死家中。后来，她经历一段无家可归的日子。即或如此，她将这段经历视为上帝的呼召，并将其称之为主的管教或考验，使她从中更深体会到上帝的眷顾，以及人性对关愛、尊重及尊严等的深层需要。
阿妮塔在书中讲到”仙人掌上开的花朵”。她从破碎的家庭、婚姻及人生际遇中走出来，并在各种环境中体会耶稣从十字架上所发出的医治、安慰和亮光。读过她这本的人说：”你看上去不像是经历那么多的人”。我问她现在的生活怎么样？她用一个词来概况，那就是”感恩”（”GRATEFUL”）！她知道这是天父上帝的恩赐，主的圣愛一直在眷顾…… 让我们继续为阿妮塔未来的侍奉方向代祷，求天父继续指引她！
诗歌”你的愛不离不弃”：”没有一个忧患耶稣不能担当，没有一个痛苦耶稣不能背负”。阿妮塔是一位喜欢4点钟作晨更祷告的姐妹。书名《像太阳一样升起》源自于以赛亚书60：1 ”兴起发光，因为你的光已经来到，耶和华的荣耀发现照耀你。” 思想一下，当黎明前的清晨第一缕阳光破晓之际，一束微光从地平线上冉冉升起，从灰暗到愈发光明，渐渐地眼前灿烂辉煌、无限壮丽。这正是圣灵在我们里面发光的过程。愿在基督里的人都一同从灰尘中兴起发光！阿门！
Anita’s Story: Reflection on “Rising Like the Sun”
On the morning of November 26th last year, during Sunday worship, an African American sister entered our church very early. I approached her, greeted her, and introduced myself. She, in turn, introduced herself as Anita Joe. She shared that during a prayer for the many lost souls in China, God called and moved her to engage in Chinese gospel ministry.
I asked her, “How did you find our church?”
She replied, “I found your church online and came after seeing the truth about ‘holiness’ in the pastor’s teachings on your website.”
Anita’s presence filled us with gratitude and curiosity. We are thankful that God inspired this American sister to participate in Chinese gospel ministry. Meanwhile we are interested in knowing more about her story. Who was she? How did she come to know the Lord? What are her aspirations? Three weeks ago, Anita graciously shared the book she wrote with me, titled “Rising Like the Sun: A Self-help Guide Taking You From Brokenness to Wholeness.” This inspiring book unveiled many aspects of her life. It emphasizes several key points, including:
- It tells the story of profound brokenness and complete healing
“Rising Like the Sun” has a profound impression on me. Anita’s story is full of twists and turns, dramatic, as she goes through the heart-wrenching pain of life and experiences the sweetness of love from the cross. She was born in Little Rock, Arkansas, and grew up in Tucson, Arizona. Her childhood was a nightmare, born into a situation that was both dark and terrifying (P. 58). Her father was a widower with two children, a girl, and a boy. She was one of six children, in the middle of eight. Her father was a pedophile and a bully; her mother was verbally abusive. Their extreme favoritism towards their children had devastating consequences. She later accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and experienced rebirth; at the age of 19, she had a special outpouring of the Holy Spirit; at the age of 30, she was released from rejection during a special meeting.
For individuals raised in a Chinese cultural milieu strongly shaped by Confucianism, which underscores the virtues of restraint, reservation, and “saving face,” expressing our personal narrative and the profound wounds within is a challenging endeavor. Yet, sharing our own story, especially those secret parts, represents a genuine form of freedom. In Anita’s book, I observe her courageously detailing every facet of her journey, encompassing her father’s sexual abuse, her mother’s harsh and apathetic demeanor, who ignored her father’s evil behavior, and even treated her with envy as if she were the other woman instead of victim, her struggles with depression, her husband’s emotional mistreatment and infidelity, and a period of homelessness spent in a shelter.
To a certain extent, Anita’s life can be characterized as marked by wounds. However, what is apparent in her countenance is not the still-bleeding pain but the brilliance of sunshine-like joy. As she articulates, the most challenging aspect to conquer is the pain of brokenness, a pain that leaves profound scars in the heart. “Healing for this kind of emotional damage must be progressive,” she asserts. Following her rebirth and salvation, she gradually assimilated the lesson of forgiveness in the Lord. One day, she admitted to the Lord her reluctance to forgive others’ sins and discarded all bitterness from her heart. This marked her initial stride toward freedom. Subsequently, she encountered the love bestowed by the Holy Spirit, sensing that she was truly loved by God. This spiritual healing removed the pain of rejection from her parents. A pivotal moment occurred when she, serving in a small church in Atlanta, was prompted by the Holy Spirit to share her story during a sisters’ conference. Despite initial resistance, she eventually complied. Stepping onto the podium, tears streamed down her face, and she could barely complete the opening song. As she began narrating her story, everyone’s attention focused on her. Upon completion, the shackles of bondage were shattered, and starting from her, many sisters found freedom (P. 175).
- It illustrates Anita’s Unique Understanding on the Bible
As Anita mentioned, she did not have formal theological training, and her understanding of the Bible may not necessarily follow the pattern of orthodoxy theological understanding. Nevertheless, she is deeply familiar with biblical scriptures, offering insightful interpretation that intertwine with her personal tumultuous experiences. From Psalm 69:8, “I have become a stranger to my own brothers, an alien to my mother’s sons,” she draws parallels with David, who was once looked down upon by his family, sent by his father to tend sheep, and even excluded from feasts (1 Samuel 16:11). In a similar comparison, Anita’s mother was cruelly indifferent, not giving her Christmas presents, ignoring her father’s sexual abuse, and even refusing to drive her to the exam venue when she needed to take a beauty license test.
From Psalm 40:2, “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand,” she understands how God pulled her out of deep pit, enabling her to no longer harbor unforgiveness towards her parents and face them with a heart full of gratitude. From the example of Moses’ mother, Jochebed (Exodus 2:2; 6:20), she sees the model of great maternal faith. Jochebed risked her life to preserve Moses’ life, contributing to God’s great plan for Moses.
- It reveals the real existence of the spiritual realm
Anita deeply recognizes the true existence of demonic forces in the spiritual realm. She sees from the Bible that the devil is the father of lies. Behind the experiences of incest, family chaos, rejection, and hatred, there is the presence of an evil force. She has had several dreams where filthy evil manifested itself in different forms. She acknowledges that sexual orientation confusion is an evil attack behind the scenes, and she herself was deceived by it, but the Spirit of God led her to overcome all of it (P. 148). However, her brother Craig was not as fortunate. Like Anita, he lacked fatherly love in his childhood. Yet, he took a different path, leading him to drug addiction, homosexuality, prison, and eventually AIDS. Craig expressed regret, saying, “I wish I could be like you. But I made too many wrong choices to end up where I am today.” Fortunately, thanks to the Lord, he accepted Jesus before dying from AIDS, and he peacefully slept in the arms of the Lord. Jesus will finally heal him because “Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal” (Thomas Moore, 1779-1852, P. 206).
- It showcases courage after frustration
Due to a decision made without thoughtful prayer, Anita traversed through a phase of a tumultuous marriage that eventually ended in divorce. Following the dissolution, instead of engaging in a legal battle over property division with her then-husband, she chose humility, heeding the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and departed without confrontation. Unfortunately, six months post-divorce, her then-husband met a tragic death at home. No one knows the reason of his death. Subsequently, she encountered a period of homelessness. Nevertheless, she regarded this experience as a divine calling, and she believes it was the discipline or chastening of the Lord. This period allowed her to delve deeper into her understanding of God’s providence and the profound human yearning for love, respect, and dignity.
Anita talks about “a flower blooming on a cactus” in the book. She emerged from a broken family, unpleasant marriage, and life’s challenges, experiencing healing, comfort, and light from Jesus on the cross in various situations. People who have read her book say, “You don’t look like someone who has been through so much.” I asked her about her current life, and she summarized it in one word, “GRATEFUL”! She knows it is a gift from Heavenly Father God, and the Lord’s holy love has been watching over her. Let us continue to pray for Anita’s future ministry direction, asking the Heavenly Father to guide her onward!
The song “You Will Never Leave Me or Forsake Me” goes: “There’s no sorrow Jesus cannot bear, there’s no pain Jesus cannot share.” Anita is a sister who enjoys waking up at 4 o’clock for morning prayer. The title of the book “Rising Like the Sun” is derived from Isaiah 60:1, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.” Imagine, at the break of dawn just before sunrise, a faint light rises from the horizon, gradually brightening from darkness to brilliance, unfolding before your eyes in splendid magnificence. This is precisely the process of the Holy Spirit shining within us. May all those in Christ rise and shine from the dust together! Amen!